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A letter to myself:

I’m tired.

I’m tired in those strange ways. I’m not tired in the way which sleep would make me feel better (although I could do with some), I’m not tired in the way in which a hug from a best friend and a warm glass of cocca would make the day seem a little brighter, I’m not tired in the way in which staring out to the golden sun would make the world seem more glorious.

I’m just tired.

It’s not just mental tiredness. Stopping the work would help, but not for long. You see, it’s strange: I almost feel pushed along by the work. The work gives me something to do each day, and my desire to want to do it well sure helps me keep occupied. Then again, this is IB. Any piece you want to do well, or do, for that matter, goes through intense information processing, consolidating and interpreting. It’s not a matter of learning something and applying it. It’s taking what you learn and turning it into something new.

Turn on the emotion meter.

Everyone’s getting a little crankier in school. Obviously, they’re facing the same exhaustion and fatigue all round. Friends are falling ill like the way PAP wins elections, just because of sheer exhaustion, and it’s a little tougher to carry on. At the end of the day, you’re glad you have each other. Hundred-decibel shouts fly across the table. The word “chill” is repeated too many times in the same sentence. Some, look to isolation.

Eventually, I suppose, we’ll all get over this long-term exhaustion; this never-ending tiredness at present life. It’s only a matter of time before we find that balance again. Humans are pretty good at that, if you ask me. Yet, we all know in the same matter of time our workload will once again increase, new problems, be them social or economical or whatever, will rise. Circumstances will force us to reconsider the way we plan our lives, the way we go about doing what we do.

There’s no such thing as that balance.

I suppose my best bet now would lift up each day into the hands of the Lord. The Lord whom supplies all my needs according to His riches, the Lord that knows all my cares, concerns, anxieties and areas of lack. The Lord who blesses me and fills me with a sense of peace that transcends human understanding, and the Lord who reassures me that whatever challenge I face, I will only be made stronger, and His power is made perfect in my weakness. I know He will use it to build me up, and use it to be a testimony to His name.