Saturday, August 20, 2011

147

I had a good night - tired out now, but we'll see how I feel in the morning.

I feel so behind in my work, not to mention I have an economics test coming up that I can't afford to bomb. Chemistry, mathematics, geography - no shit. Whatever it is, I'll make it, by His grace, I'll make it. I perceive a long day of doing work tomorrow, whether it be doing work outside or sitting at my desk rushing as many assignments as I possibly can.

I'm scared, hell, I'm really scared. I don't know if I have it in me to make it to the end of this year, let alone next year. I hate how high the expectations, and more than that, my targets are. The only thing this does is make it easier and easier for me to fall. I thank God for great friends who really hear me out and make me feel better - let me know we're all in it together, but at the end of the day that feeling of fear still lives inside me. I hate the feeling of chasing deadlines, chasing grades, pitting myself against a friend just for the sake of it.

I dream, dream of being far away; far away from everything. From books, people, grades, school, examinations, knowledge, information, technology, everything. Sometimes it's not the fault of anyone but mine, but that doesn't change the fact I feel so restless, and tire of everything around me. It's more difficult than it seems. But I'll make it. We'll all make it.

We have to.

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