100

one hundredth.

I'm supposed to be rushing my Geography essay but I seem to lack the focus. To be honest, I really can't wait for the holidays. 2 weeks and 3 days more. Ideally, I would like to throw away anything with the slightest connotation/association with school, from my economics ee to catching up on hl math, but I know that won't be possible.

There's been so much "life" going on that I've just swept under the carpet, waiting for it to go away. I know it won't though, it just accumulates, and I'd really like to use the holidays to clear all this old dust out. (I mean, it'll probably be a drag to get myself to the top floors of the central lending library, pulling out books and digging for resources, as well as practice hl math, but I'll get down to doing it anyway).

I'm glad I'll get the opportunity to travel. I miss travelling. I miss connecting with new, fresh souls, those that offer such different perspectives, purely because they live in another place, with different societal norms, with different values. Yet, I know everything they say will inspire me, because at the end of it, we are all essentially human.

So, I've got 3 more weeks to endure it all. We'll see how this goes.

Cheers!

099

Jesus, all my fears will fade away, when I see You, when I see you.

098

fight this quiet war.

I was hoping for a calmer weekend, but IB can't be tamed. Let me indulge in sharing my work-list, just this once. I know my A level friends will probably go "you're complaining about that?!", but we play different games.

{english iop, economics ia, tok essay, geography mdg essay, chinese essay, chemistry assessed homework, challenge week (OMG)}

Honestly, if you think about it, it isn't too bad. But this week has been heavy enough and I have a hunch my math ia is coming out this week or next. We've got three weeks more to endure, so everyone who's on holiday already, please enjoy it.

Now, something to warm up your hearts:

Brighter Than the Sun - Colbie Caillat

Cheers!

097

A letter to myself:

I’m tired.

I’m tired in those strange ways. I’m not tired in the way which sleep would make me feel better (although I could do with some), I’m not tired in the way in which a hug from a best friend and a warm glass of cocca would make the day seem a little brighter, I’m not tired in the way in which staring out to the golden sun would make the world seem more glorious.

I’m just tired.

It’s not just mental tiredness. Stopping the work would help, but not for long. You see, it’s strange: I almost feel pushed along by the work. The work gives me something to do each day, and my desire to want to do it well sure helps me keep occupied. Then again, this is IB. Any piece you want to do well, or do, for that matter, goes through intense information processing, consolidating and interpreting. It’s not a matter of learning something and applying it. It’s taking what you learn and turning it into something new.

Turn on the emotion meter.

Everyone’s getting a little crankier in school. Obviously, they’re facing the same exhaustion and fatigue all round. Friends are falling ill like the way PAP wins elections, just because of sheer exhaustion, and it’s a little tougher to carry on. At the end of the day, you’re glad you have each other. Hundred-decibel shouts fly across the table. The word “chill” is repeated too many times in the same sentence. Some, look to isolation.

Eventually, I suppose, we’ll all get over this long-term exhaustion; this never-ending tiredness at present life. It’s only a matter of time before we find that balance again. Humans are pretty good at that, if you ask me. Yet, we all know in the same matter of time our workload will once again increase, new problems, be them social or economical or whatever, will rise. Circumstances will force us to reconsider the way we plan our lives, the way we go about doing what we do.

There’s no such thing as that balance.

I suppose my best bet now would lift up each day into the hands of the Lord. The Lord whom supplies all my needs according to His riches, the Lord that knows all my cares, concerns, anxieties and areas of lack. The Lord who blesses me and fills me with a sense of peace that transcends human understanding, and the Lord who reassures me that whatever challenge I face, I will only be made stronger, and His power is made perfect in my weakness. I know He will use it to build me up, and use it to be a testimony to His name.

096

A friend of mine came up to me today and was commenting on how long this week seems. It's interesting, because everyone feels it. It's only Tuesday, but all of us feel we've been doing the same amount of work we'd get in a week. Strange. It's the first 5 day week of the 4 still left in schools, and right now it's IAs upon IAs. Soon there'll be EEs and ToKs. But at least school's still enjoyable. :)

--

so i've been lost in an array of thought for a while. i've had to consider different things and regulate being in a new environment. it's been tough. at times i still don't know what means what to me and how much effort i put into a battle. i've yet to learn to choose my battles wisely and to realise some are better not fought. at the same time i know i've been infinitely blessed with so much more than i could ever ask for or imagine, and it literally brought me to tears a few days ago to realise how loved i am. i can only pray for a good measure of hope, guidance and wisdom to get through what i don't even know i need to get through.

end.

095

"and the moment where your sons are no longer swept by the myth of your greatness"

- Arthur Miller, on The Death of a Salesman

So this week has been tiring, but it's also been a good week. I can't deny I've never had this amount of work for sometime, and haven't been under such a great amount of pressure in a while. I know IB's just starting, so I can expect it to only get worse, but I know because I have such a great God, I'll be just fine. :)

I'd say IB's demanding, but in a different way from the local system.

I really like the fact we're studying such a wide range of literature in English. It provokes the mind, and encourages the heart to feel more. I often end up in circles of thought, and though sometimes emotionally draining, it brings me to many more realisations. I'm an extrovert, by a measure of any account, but I'm really starting to appreciate the time I have to myself, especially because it's becoming less and less.

So with work piling up on me, I wish you all the very best in the coming week. Here's hoping everyone's handling life jolly well!

Be blessed! (:

094

Challenge the status quo.

Looks like I'll be getting an early night tonight! (Before 12). Anyway, I strongly believing in challenging the status quo, never settling for what's on your plate, but thinking about whether anything can be better, and if it can, how. I believe everything can be better. Even when you get full marks on a test, you could write a better essay, you could give better answers. I'm not saying you should be all "OMG I ONLY GOT LIKE FULL MARKS ON MY TEST I CAN DO BETTER". I'm just saying, you should always keep working to improve, and it applies for many things. Our country, being one of them.

The new cabinet line up was announced today. I like the exits, but it's a pretty strange line up. I haven't heard of half the ministers coming up to take their place, and they've given the DPMs three roles (including being DPM). Well, it's interesting to see how it'll change things. :)

Anyway, work is piling up. Should have enjoyed the previous months a little more. So much for taking them for granted. IAs, essays, tests, ToK, IOPs, EEs. Grr. Oh well, hope everyone's having a mighty fine' time anyway (:

Cheers!

093

So the week is finally over, thank God.

I'm in awe of how exhausted I was at the end of the week. It's not just the work that has been piling up, but the effort needed to complete the work to a sufficient level. I've also been plagued by many different thoughts that'll just pop into my head. I wouldn't have the time to process it, so it'll just build up.

After clearing much of my heavy work, I'm relatively freer now, which I appreciate immensely. I've got a lot of work due in a couple of weeks, so it'll be a good idea to actually get started on that. Before that though, I've got to spring clean my worksheets, my room, and the study (which has been the store room). But for now, I'm going to enjoy myself at my friend's party.

Thank God it's only a three-day week this week. :)

092

On days like these, when it's 8 minutes to 11 and you're no where close to done with work; when nothing seems to be right; when you've still got a thousand and two administrative things to settle; when your mind just wants to shut down and no music seems to suit your mood, I really want to walk into a parallel dimension.

Days like these become the best time to take a good nap, wish you were at the prettiest beach/forest/wherever you like, snuggle up to a hot chocolate and a "guilty-pleasure" disney movie, to remember the times that felt so good, where you were without a care in the world. Days like these become the best time to forget about the deadlines you're chasing, the A's demanded off you, the stress and pressure the world puts upon you. Days like these become the best time to catch up with the people you care for the most, to do what you love, to shut down your computer and take a lone walk outside, soaking in the night atmosphere with a tired mind (it refreshes you).

If only.

091

This is starting to become a very tiring week.

It's a very different feel when all the IAs start piling up in front of your very eyes, and even though you've been given ridiculously long deadlines, you know it's up to you to manage your time to ensure you don't get lost and caught in a frenzy two days before the deadline, rushing 5 different assessments. It's difficult because the stress of knowing your performance in the IAs contributes to your overall IB grade, and you know you need a good IB grade when you plan on attending a good university.

But in my weakness His strength is made perfect, and I know His grace is sufficient for me. So this is my strength, this is how I'm going to continue. :)

090

I haven't been here in ages, and I'm guessing most of you know why. Well, the elections are over, and it was a battle well fought. While I was hoping for more opposition seats taken up, I have to say the overall result is good enough.

--

Anyway, now that that's over, I can finally get back to focusing on my work and concentrating on IB + CAS amongst other things. It's hard to believe it's already May and I'm 1/4 down on my two years of JC. JC's getting quite stressful. It's not the IB course per se, (but that can take quite a toll on you mentally rather than by the sheer amount of homework), it's more the decisions that I have to make.

I think I'm about 4 or 5 weeks into school, and after the election high I'm yet to see whether this term takes it's toll on me. I know all the IAs are coming up, and that's pretty damn scary. Can't wait for my 6 week break. I've got eons to do, I really do.

Oh, and I'm really thankful for the long stretch of long weekends. Makes everything a little better :)

Cheers!

(PS: It feels really weird that the GE is over. Hahaha.)