116

Wow. I'm so tired.

Anyway, I saw a copy of the papers this morning and I realised I haven't read the papers in ages. It's almost a sense of relief. A complete tear away from everything I've had to follow for the past 6 months. Of course, worried about being completely oblivious to everything going around me, I decided to read it.

In other news, I caught Monte Carlo with my friends today. An good chick flick, there was this really nice song playing at the montage of the beach scenes. I thought I'd be able to find it on the net, but to no avail. It's my #3 summer song. So if anyone can find it, or will be watching it (HAHAHAHA), help me make a mental note alright!

(:

115

To you: I don't know how frequently you visit this blog, but let me know when we're on good terms again, back to how it was.

I'm not mad, or sad, just a little broken and very disappointed.

--

I've been stumbling upon quite a few of my SJII friends' blogs. All very interesting, all very different. It's always such an eye opener. On a completely different tangent, the Lee Kong Chian Reference Library is amazing. Plethora of economic books. I felt like I was in heaven. :) Also, I'm this close to giving up on the EE I haven't even started.

#2. Good Life - One Republic

(This song makes me hate Singapore but fall in love with life so much more.)

"night turns to whatever we want we're young enough to say

/this is gonna be a good life"

Cheers!

114

Kari Jobe - You are For Me

I know that You are for me,

I know that You will never forsake me in my weakness.

Thank you, Father, for being my saving Grace.

I know your promises are true,

and today, I cling on to them like never before.

Amen.

113

Since the holidays have started, I've really wanted just to lounge around with a cup of coffee and a good book. I have the lounging area, the coffee, and the good books. So what am I missing?

Time.

And perhaps a little discipline.

But anyway, Summer's here, and I'll be sharing my soundtrack! (:

#1. Coachella - Brooke Fraser.

I swear, I cannot get tired of this song. I've posted it up before, but this song is amazing. It accompanied in Berlin, and it was perfect. Coachella makes me want to get up dance down the street and greet everybody, make ten, twenty new friends and spend an entire evening in front of the beach with them.

(Church today was amazing. AR Bernard is brilliant, but that's for a little later).

{To everyone with horrid CTs tomorrow, all the best with those! We are more than conquerers through Christ who loves us.}

Cheers!

112

Home.

"All I have are the choices I make"

- David Norris, The Adjustment Bureau.

So, to set the record straight, my flight was delayed 3 hours and 10 minutes. I caught 3 movies, and barely slept 30 minutes. But, I'm home. My guilty pleasure is always using the "Singaporeans/Permanent Residents" lane when coming back. And, as I suppose everyone knows, I'm not the fondest of Singapore. But it's home. At least for now.

Today was a lazy day, the only thing on my to-do list is to really really clean up my room. Organise my desk and make it conducive for the next 5 weeks of reading, writing, making music, photography (editing) and I suppose, a lil' bit of homework.

5 weeks more of freedom. Fresh freedom, no chains. Life is good.

All we have are the choices we make.

(choose wisely).

111

(Obviously, I didn't write this today, but here you are):

An extract:

On the fly:

It's a long wait till the plane leaves Beijing Capital International Airport. The captain just told us we're 28th in line on the departure list. I've got my copy of Capitalism, Socialism and Democracy, Joseph Schumpeter beside me (a great read, by the way), but it's a little heavy right now. They also said phones off, but since we're number 28, I'm sure they won't mind.

So my mind's been really active since we've been on vacation (vacation from school, that is). It's good. I've finally had the time I've needed for myself, and I've been able to process things at my own pace. I don't have to care about that next assignment or that next test, I don't have to be conscious about the grades or effort I'm putting in. It feels good to have all this stress of your back. I suppose, if I compare this to my counterparts in local schools, I really can't say I have much to complain about. But then again, it's a very different kind of stress. Maybe less in magnitude, but that hardly matters.

I plan to write a letter to my 23 year old self when I get home, especially because I've been wondering if my 8 year old self would be proud of me. Would yours?

Its raining outside. Lightly. It's one of the most beautiful scenes I've seen in a while. Reflected red light on a surface of ever changing water patterns, the light flow of the smallest droplets, all emphasised by the darkest surroundings. Amazing contrast.

Honestly, I can't wait till the plane takes off. There're a few movies I've been meaning to watch. To those who don't know, I quite appreciate watching movies. :) If you're wondering, it's 16:40 right now. The plane was scheduled for take off at 16:00. But who can blame them. It's China after all. If their capital airport isn't busy, the world wouldn't be half as flat as it is today, and the global economy would lose half it's stimulus.

It's started pouring. Now I'm glad I caught that video of the gently streaming rain. One of life's best feelings is to watch the rain outside knowing you're completely safe and warm inside, wherever you are.

I love observing the world, people. I love people. Humanity makes the world. I always believe that. I always believe in the better. No matter how good things are, I always believe they can get better. It's interesting how philosophy shapes economic and political theories. In my distant dreams, perhaps I would shape a theory in my belief of the better. Maybe. Maybe not.

I've always been an optimist. A "die-hard optimist", my mother would term me. Yet, this year has turned me into more of a realistic optimist. And no, I don't regret it. I prefer being this way. In some sense, it keeps me grounded. In other ways, it keeps me working towards the achievable. But realistic or idealistic, I've always been the optimist.

On this year. 2011 has been such a strange one. It's been horrid, then good, then not so good, then not so bad. Very strange. I think it's always important to keep things in perspective. To always be grateful. It's not easy living in a way you're never content.

People like to say I'm an open book. I beg to differ. It's easy to get to know me, to get to know about me. Is it easy to know me? Well, I don't think so. Does that matter? Hardly.

I wonder how I got to this point. Almost an open expository about myself. How conceited of me. Well, it's 10 minutes on and we're still nowhere near even moving from this damn gate.

It's almost been an hour since our scheduled take-off time. I'm tired. I'll take a nap in my semi-comfortable economy class seat now. With any luck, the captain shall have made his second announcement by the time I wake up.

China's been great. But more than that, the people have been the most interesting to watch. I'll try to sum up whatever's still in my memory in a day or two. Travel journalism. An amazing hobby. Now, if only I can find a magazine or newspaper which would hire me.

Cheers!

PS: He's made the second announcement. There's going to be a delay of at least 1.5 hours. And it's already been an hour and ten minutes. Hell yes.

--

110

So, to my unexpected surprise (redundant phrase), there's wifi AND Facebook here in China.

It's been a good holiday so far, I've been enjoying it immensely, the Great Wall was magnificent, and the Forbidden City a little crowded, but still very interesting. But China's interesting. The demographics, the way the country (or city) runs, the way over a billion people can just make it that much more dynamic. And, the fact that I'm blogging all the way over here into a global portal, accessible from almost anywhere in the world just emphasises that the world is flat. Tomorrow and Wednesday though, is shopping + unwinding days.

I've been reading 3-4 books at once: One Day, The Ascent of Money, Freakonomics, Too Big to Fail. It feels really good. I've been eating well, and sleeping well, and doing a lot more of what I love.

So take this IB: Screw. You.

I hope everyone has been having a smashin' time. (:

109

F.R.E.E.D.O.M.

(that's what i'm talking about).

So the holidays are finally here. I've got 3 essays to do, one book to read. It's a pretty small workload for 6 weeks, if you think about it. Whatever it is, this is the time to kick back. 6 weeks of freedom, and I'm going to fill it with the things I really love. From photography to music, to foreign films, literature, economics, philosophy, politics, to exercising, healthy living, ENOUGH SLEEP, many many (budget) social gatherings with people who matter most, this is what I plan to do.

It still feels extremely strange to be given such a long break in the middle of no where. I'm going to miss my free periods doing the strangest things, and classes with the loveliest people. But I'll save the missing for later. For now, liberation has come.

I'm celebrating. (!!!!!!)

PS: I'll be off to China for the next 6 days, so see you fancy readers back here then!

108

Exhausted. Dead exhausted.

But hey, ONE MORE FRICKIN DAY.

Hallelujah. I see the light.

107

2 FRICKIN DAYS MORE.

We all have bad days, then good days. Some of us have bad months, bad years. But anymore than that and I think I won't be able to take it.

But as we go on, and we start putting things in perspective, even our bad days aren't so bad. I mean honestly, life is shit, being a teenager in this world. It's horrible. There's so much to overcome and so much to get through. That being said, there's also so much that we already have, that we always fail to take note of. There are so many people who lack what we already have. I mean, this really doesn't make sense until you get the revelation of it.

Anyhow:

I honestly believe the unquestioned acceptance of Keynesian macroeconomics is why America is in such deep shit right now. I can't deny that Keynes raised good theories, but spending isn't always the way out (although it's been made this way). I mean you're US$15 trillion in debt (US$ 15,000,000,000,000) and you're still trying to spend your way out of this. If it was going to work, it would have worked a long time ago, you're not stimulating your economy quick enough. And to be honest, it still may work, but it's not going to work short term. You need a new plan, pronto.

"I want real growth not a series of bubbles".

(I'd actually go with Hayek but syllabus makes me learn Keynesian so I've got no choice).

106

"I love you Dex, I just don't like you anymore."

There's something about loving someone without liking them. I'm pretty sure I've loved people I don't like, and I like people whom I don't love, but most people understand the latter. Anyhow, this movie looks amazing, I can't stop rewatching the trailer, so I shall read the book in the holidays. Also, 3 @#$%ing days more.

Hell yes.

105

The contradictory week.

This week, by far, is the busiest I've had in my 5 months in this school. Yet, the holiday spirit is so high, everybody is either no longer in school or in such good cheer. There's something about the internationalism of it, because you know everyone will be returning home. There's so much to look forward to, yet so much more to make sure you overcome.

It always breaks my heart a little when I think of how we never really happened. We could of been so much, yet we were nothing. It was almost because we tried too hard, then gave up. It almost happened, but it never did. Off and on, I catch myself thinking what would happen if one of us just endured a little bit longer, or if the timing was just a little bit closer. But, I know we've got 2 good lives ahead of us, and whatever happens, well, life just happens.

I got myself hooked on Asian dramas, again. Just in time. Hello 6 good weeks of doing almost nothing. You're going to be mine in, 4 days.

Hallelujah.

104

"All in all I had a very full life, it's just that it didn't mean anything"

- Will, About a Boy

My life plan is to get a good degree from a good university, marry the love of my life, and retire on a Italian vineyard.

Sounds good eh?

It's been a really lazy weekend, which is good if it was the holidays, but it isn't. One more week and I'm outta school for six good weeks. But there's a lot to push through this week. From the "holiday" mindset, to the gigantic workload our teachers have pushed upon us this week, to the collection of more work next week.

But God is good.

Amen.

103

I really enjoy quiet nights.

That in itself is an understatement. The lights around me aren't dim enough, but the music playing's enough to block out the surrounding, so it's not all that bad. I've probably said this a billion times, but I've really started to appreciate my alone time. School can get so tiring and exhausting sometimes, it's not even funny. The social mechanism at my school is such a funny one to try to work around.

But, today's been a good day. I've got my IOP over and done with, and I suppose I presented it well enough. It definitely could of been better, but that's all over and done with now isn't it? And, we finally get to move onto world lit, so that's a relief, and also something to look forward to. But this bores you, and I'm sorry.

I'm already in holiday mood, but (another) list of what I'd have/like to do in the holidays - {shoot more, watch more films, rewatch castle S3, watch cougar town S2, watch HIMYM S6, watch bones S6, write more, read x24124 (NO FRICKIN TIME IN IB), then there's the economics reading, econs ee, philosophy reading, political reading, hl math, and homework. bleh.}

I leave you with my new favourite song:

Joyce Jonathan - Je ne sais pas

I'm not even going to pretend I understand what the song says - though I have read the translated lyrics. But it's got a lovely melody and a pretty nice meaning. :)

Cheers!

102

I like to think that if you pit yourself against other people, you'll never be good enough. So set your own targets, work towards your goal, and take your friends with you, as support, not stepping stones.

Otherwise, this has been an easy start to a seemingly daunting week. But if God is for me, who can be against me.

You Belong to Me - Grey Holiday

"So come back to the light, to love you will find, it's been here all along/So come back to the start and you'll find in your heart that you always belonged/to me"

Be blessed!

101

You know what I'd really like?

For one moment, just to not have to think about anything. No actions, no consequences, no future, no work due the next day, no task list, no worries, no anxiety, no fear.

Really.

For this reason I can't wait for the holidays - but I doubt the reality of those 6 weeks will be anywhere close to me being able to clear my mind of all the rubbish we've had to go through the past 10. Whatever it is, I shall conquer. I cannot, but He can.

Amen.