162

Price Tag - Jessie J

I'm rarely a fan of mainstream music, but I really do like this song. Honestly, I appreciate song/lyric writers who write about what's actually going on, as opposed to this rough culture of sex, drugs and alcohol. 

What's really interesting about this song is I was first introduced to it when I was talking to a lot of people about a career in finance, and really going forward and trying to get contacts, and avenues and resources. One thing I've learnt over the few days of conversation is, of all people with all sorts of different occupations, people in finance should never, ever, be motivated by money. I mean, you would still aim to earn a lot of money, and to tell you the truth, I don't see so much of a problem in that. But, to just work for money, to want to get promoted for money, and not progress/influence/opportunities etc, is really scary, especially in finance. Money is so abundant, and you see people make money so quickly (but also lose money so quickly). 

Money's such an important medium, but it should never be your master. Also, like the song, this society should really start seeing beyond the price tag. 

161

Today has been a tough, but good day.
(After tomorrow - no more assignments due, geography syllabus still incomplete.)

160

The aftermath of our Math IA left the entire cohort of HL math students in a zombielike state. Nevertheless, Math IA, done. 

Right now, I've got my Chemistry assessed task to complete, before I hopefully take a nap that doesn't last for eternity. Then tonight's the start of crash course finals bootcamp. 

Anyway: 

Jason Mraz - Make It Mine (Live from New York)
"And reveling in energy that everyone's emitting/Well I don't want to wait no more/I'm going to celebrate the whole world/Yes I'm going to make it mine/I'm following your joy" 


Jason Mraz - Live High (Live, from somewhere) 

Jason Mraz is my second favourite musician in the entire world. He's a great musician, a brilliant songwriter, but most of all he's got soul. I purposely chose the live tracks as he sounds so much better live - there's so much soul in listening to his music live, or listening to live tracks of his music, and honestly, I think that's how music should be. Music should be live. Music should sound best live. Jason Mraz has got phenomenal stage presence. He doesn't write trash. His songs bring out the best in the world. 

I am by no means an idealist, or a dreamer, but I suppose I connect with him on the optimist vibe. He makes happiness sound so real, he makes life sound so good. He's someone who writes songs that inspires you to live better, live larger, shine brighter, and the best part of all - he's someone who really looks forward to all the potential there is in life. 

The above two are two of my favourite, but I usually find myself being able to listen to whole albums of him, on repeat. 

Have a chill day guys, and a great week ahead. :) 

159

(I don't know why I'm writing this down right now - I've still got that naggy Math IA to complete)

I think this week will be a week of posting songs that actually mean a lot to me, songs like Run, Price Tag (for very interesting reasons), Live High, Make it Mine, Coachella, Who are We Fooling, The Writer, and some others. 

I found a strand of white hair on my head this week, the rest of my hairs are falling out. I cannot wait to submit this wretched IA tomorrow, so I can start revising for finals PROPERLY. I love my school, but sometimes they're so disorganised it stresses their students out. 

I'm done. I've finished my IA. Feeling like a (really sleepy) hero. Tomorrow the crash course begins. God bless me. 

158

And these are the times where I feel like giving up on the world, to stop pursuing everything I know I want, just because it gets a little too difficult, and I become a little too tired. These are the times where I can't be bothered to be politically correct, not bothering to hide any bit of emotion to anyone around me. 

Sometimes you've got to know which battles to fight - sometimes you've got to know whose side you're on. 

Finals in a week + a little bit and I've still covered no ground. It's strange to give a damn about these exams in my school, but I suppose thanks to the influx of many local students, it's not that strange anymore. Honestly - I'd really like to stop studying Y = C+I+G(+(X-M), if you must), and just take a break. I've not been able to read a book for leisure for the entire year, I haven't taken out my camera just to shoot whatever interests me, and I haven't been able to sit at the piano to learn a piece I really like for the past three months. But I guess this is what you call collateral damage. 

It's Friday evening and I can honestly say I'm exhausted. I've no more energy to spend on tearing down the walls and revealing true intentions. I've no more energy to suck it up and face whatever I need to face. I've no more energy to hold up the pressure pushing me down. 

Collateral damage Hannah, collateral damage. 

(Still really grateful for all Jesus keeps blessing me with though - I can never afford to take that for granted.) 

157

Today I was blessed to listen to a really amazing person, who knew what she wanted and drove herself to make it happen. She provided great insight for all of us who want to join the financial world, and be successful, and she also happened to give me one on one advice about a nice little course in a nice little university. I'm really grateful I got to meet her - she sounds a lot like me, and a lot of what I want to be. 

I don't actually know why I'm blogging because right now I find myself starved for time. I would really appreciate 6 more hours in a day, or a caffeine IV so I don't have to sleep. Just for fun, since hey, who's counting aye - Geography IA (3 maps + 2 equations and I'm probably done), Economics essay (what on earth does whoever set the question mean when he said "USE EXAMPLES?"), and my Chinese oral. (I need a pretty damn good mark for this. If I don't get a 7 it'll be a joke.) 

Also - here's to me rushing syllabus for 3 subjects in a weekend. Friday evening to Sunday evening, with a game of tennis, a hour and a half math tuition session, and a concert at the botanics. What a joke. But, I s'ppose for the sake of "my future" - and all the glamour our teachers, parents and whoever else has been selling us, the fight is worth it. The only question left is - do I make it out alive?

Cheers. 

(I suppose with the grace of God I will). 

156

I'm completely off-schedule for my finals revision, but I suppose I'll make it through anyway. Also, it seems my days have morphed into a continuous cycle of work and rest, the latter which I get too little of, so I have lost all sense of time consciousness, forgetting the hour of the day and the day of the week.

I did, however, have a really good day today. I saw so many of my old sc friends, and the accompanying nostalgia and comfort. Also, I, strangely enough, actually enjoyed the thought process. Maybe it was the PPE drive that caused me to really think and question whatever I'd been listening to. But most of all, I had a really good lunch with a really good friend at a really interesting place with really good food. :) I haven't had such a real, honest conversation in a long time, and it just felt so good to let everything out, knowing there'll be no judgement. It was good.

I'm excited to where the next two years of my life will take me. :)

It's 2215 at night and I've decided I should probably start on my Math IA now - I've got a lot of work to complete tomorrow, as well as get down to studying. (I really don't need to drown any further).

Cheers!

155

"From my heart to the heavens, Jesus be the centre. It's all about you, yes it's all about you".

So this is me, one week in, two weeks to finals, drowning in a math IA, spiraling in thought from all the other pieces of work I have to complete. Being a 17 year old is not fun. We're all such jaded kids, and it really saddens me to think that this loss of innocence has come at so young an age. It takes more effort to believe in the world and its potential than to just give it all up and drop it, because indifference, and escapism is always the easier way out. 

But I thank God that when I'm drowning in my math IA, I'm also drowning in so much more of His grace. His grace that picks me up, keeps me going, and keeps me hoping in a better tomorrow. 

Honestly though, I need a damn break. You have no idea how badly I want finals to be over. My brain (and body) can only take so much of this. 

154

(Quite a religious post - skip if you please). 

I used to get really angsty at God whenever I fell sick, up until June this year. I've always known sickness is not God's will - I don't believe it's from Him, and I've always known that if I fall sick, it obviously means He's permitted it, because He has the power to prevent it. So I always got really angry because I didn't understand why He couldn't just stop it once more, why did He have to let the virus attack me again? 

I suppose it was around June that I started to realise the beauty of these trials and tribulations God allows from the devil, because in true honesty, as much as I want to deny it, it really does build us up. It teaches us greater dependance and less of "I can do this by myself", because as great as our human egos are, we are in fact, extremely small, and have zero control of some things. It also teaches me how great my God is, and how safe His presence is. I guess it does reinforce faith. 

But the epitome of my realisation came when I was on my mission trip, and another volunteer fell sick in the same house. And it was this one sentence that changed my entire perspective on God and falling sick. 

"It happens." 

These two words made me realise that y'know what, we'll still fall sick on this side of heaven, no matter how much we don't want it to. But we can have the hope that whatever we fall sick with will not harm us, because that's what God promised us in the Bible. So for whatever reason we fell sick, I don't know, I'll find out in Heaven I guess, but for now, I've just got to keep declaring and receiving my healing in Jesus name, by Jesus' stripes. 

Amen. 

153 - 9/11

9/11. 

The fight against terror; the fight against intolerance. 

My cowardly instincts have me too afraid to read/watch/listen to anything to do with the 9/11 attacks that happened ten years ago. I was seven. It'd be interesting if I measured my age by what happened in the world, and how I responded. I remember I was in my old kindergarten, I think it was the holiday, so I visited. I sat with all the K2s and we watched the building, I believe it was the World Trade Centre 1, crash down. We all had no idea what was going on, but I believe the teachers did. 

I'm not American, so I'm definitely not going to say I understand the pain of the nation, and the attack against its sovereignty. However, I'm definitely keeping all the victims of 9/11 and America in my prayers as you commemorate this event that changed the history and future of your country. 

Now, at seventeen, I think the events ten years ago brings back an extremely strong message to anyone that considers him/herself a global citizen. We're all different. As a Singaporean, I understand how conflicts can arise from being different, as an local student in an international school, I've come to learn the importance of respecting each other for who they are. Yes, we've all heard the local announcements on staying vigilant and not being complacent, but I think more importantly we've got to learn to be tolerant, but more than that, practise tolerance. It's much easier said than done, and I sound like a completely hippie advocating world peace, but I honestly believe it's one of the most important qualities we've got to practice, especially as the world becomes more and more globalised. 

Now my friends who know me know I'm not the most tolerant person, but I'm going to make it a point to try. To accept that we're all different, yet our differences that make us unique remind me that at the end of the day, we're all human. And that's what unites us - the fact that we're all human, we bond over our humanity. So who cares if I don't like the fact you sit with your legs up the table, or you read with a strange accent, it doesn't matter. We are, at the end of the day, looking out for the same thing. 9/11 proves that. As sad as it is for tragedies like this to unite the world, they do. I think life, after all, is about celebrating humanity. 

To all victims of the 9/11 attacks, my condolences. To the Great States of America, stay strong, press on. 

All my love, 

Hannah. 

(September 11, 2011). 

152

Blogger's finally got an iPhone app! This is going to be exciting. Now I can write more spontaneous posts of what's in my mind vs. the retrospective perspective I'm left with by the time I have access to a computer.

Have a good Sunday everyone,
Cheers!

151

So I'm back from the silly island doing a silly IA for a silly subject, and yes, I had a lot of fun, it was good.

Yet, I still find myself as shaky as ever, and my mind in the same mess it was when I left school. It's sad that the moment the bus crossed from Malaysia to Singapore the air instantly felt heavier and you were just reminded of the thousand and two things that await you to complete here. I need a break, a good one. A real one. One where I'm away from people that place expectations on me (although we all do, and that's perfectly fine and reasonable), one where I'm away from anything that reminds me of all the obligations I have. Somewhere I can kick back and chill, spend enough time with myself, yet spend a huge bulk of time meeting new people and learning so much more about this amazing world, and all the people that make it beautiful. 

The more I think about it, the more I think I like change. Many people don't, but I've come to realise half the reason why I don't like Singapore is Singapore itself, but the other half is because I don't really like staying in a place as small as this - there's nothing to do, and you find yourself caught in the same routine again and again, also, I don't prefer staying in one place too long. But practicality and functionality always brings you back to reality. 

It's hard to imagine I was once an idealist, or a super idealist. Realism seems so much more believable to me. I still dream though, but I'd say I'm far from being a dreamer. Realistic optimism is good for the soul. Life is beautiful though - in the recent years, I've come to understand that the beauty of life comes from all the pain we go through and all the battles we fight, not because the hurt and pain makes it beautiful, but because we overcome. 

Because we overcome. 

I've got three weeks to finals, I haven't started on shit and my Geography syllabus is like an impregnable fortress. I also need to finalise challenge week - pay for elephant service, and get everyone to fill up the form (just a note to self, and my groupmates if you read this!!). Apart from that, I think I've got to start building my life on Jesus Christ a lot more, standing on really shaky ground now. 

I can't wait till I start travelling and exploring the world. 

150

over-easy.

so this is life; it has become so busy i have no time for myself, but plenty of time for my friends. no time to sleep because work has me climbing out of bed at 1am and waking up in twenty minute phrases just to attempt to snap out of my semi-consciousness and attack the questions i never knew how to do in the first place. no time to savour because too much of it has been spent on worrying and stressing and piling anxiety upon anxiety, even though Jesus told me not to worry about anything.

i've got a week long break coming up, but too much of that is going to be spent doing a silly ia for a silly subject on a silly island. ah well, at least i'll have fun (i hope).

tyrone wells - and the birds sing

happy teachers day to all the teachers out there! y'all mean so much more to me than i could ever express. :)