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For as long as I can remember, I always thought when I sung the phrase "I am yours", it was display of my commitment to Jesus. Like, hey! Look at me, I'm totally giving my life to Him.

But today, for the first time, in the midst of my weariness and muddled mind, I realise it's got nothing to do with me at all.

It is with great privilege I can declare these three words out. Because He came down from the heavens to call me His. That is why I can say I am Yours. It is a affirmation in the identity and inheritance I have in Christ. It is the reassurance I have when anything tries to topple me. Because I am yours, nothing can come in between us, and there is nothing except victory waiting for me at the end of it all.

It's been the toughest couple of weeks I've gone through in a while. But y'know what, in my weakness, his power is made perfect.

Amen.

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I was writing a post while I was at TCC today but I forgot to save it (I was on my phone), so now it's gone.

I suppose it happens.

It was about a couple sitting on my immediate left, a strange combination of a Caucasian man complaining about Singaporean nuances (which make us Singaporean, really) and a Chinese lady with a less than accurate English accent, although to be fair, she was trying a best. He had a magazine, sorta like the finance version of The Economist, and she had a Chinese novel, which for the life of me I could not comprehend.

And I wondered how strange the human life is, how infinitely beautiful and complex our stories are, and how the mystery of it all is such an essential ingredient.

I'll never know how and why I meet the people I do, but I will always be grateful for exploring a little bit more - inch by inch - of this incredible planet we've been given for a home.

We were shrouded by haze for the past week, and when the sun finally came out again on Saturday, it wasn't the sun that you saw, but everything that the sun lit up. The sky, blue in its best hue, the clouds, in its best contrast of white. And I stood up in wide open awe for the next 5 minutes.

We've got this strange funny thing called souls. It causes life to happen. It makes you incredibly mad and sad but delirious at the same time.

And it was fearfully and wonderfully made.

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This life is not about how much you love Him. 

It's about how much He loves you. 

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I got a couple of texts this week asking me how I was - "how are you?" 

Now that's a strange question - because I honestly don't know. If you'd ask me what I've been up to, I'd be able to easily answer that, albeit with a long message. If you asked me whose I am, I could answer that too. 

But how am I? 

Steering away from the typical "why fine, thank you" - I honestly do not know. I sorta feel suspended in this time that is almost all yours. You know where you'll be in a couple of months - getting on with your life basically, and these few months has been a good time to stand still and really soak it all in. So I s'ppose that's what I've been trying to do. Soak it all in. 

I realise I really miss writing essays. I absolutely love writing essays (on subjects of interest, of course). It starts from choosing the font and formatting of the essay, and the physical touch to typing on the keyboard and watching words appear automatically on the crystal clear screen. The intellectual curiosity it stimulates as well - the gathering and processing of knowledge, physically flipping through the glossy pages of too-thick-for-its-own-good textbooks, and forming a coherent argument after countless drafts, to finally holding the hard copy, watching the black ink transform the white sheets of paper into an medium of knowledge.

I think I realise this every Sunday my pastor is in town, but I am infinitely blessed to come from the church I come from, to receive the revelation and the truth that will set me free every. single. week. There's nothing that can beat that. 

I used to write a lot better. 

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Things I've been enjoying lately:

1. Having my pastor back!

2. Listening to really good sermons, not just by my pastor but plenty around the world

3. Drinking (and tasting) good coffee

4. Planning my next trip and how I'm going to get there

5. Reading good writing.

On points 2, 3 and 5:

2 - I really recommend you listen to the Walk This Way series by Pastor Jude of The City Church (Judah Smith's), and The Expectation Gap by Steven Furtick of Elevation Church. Both these churches are incredible and their pastors are incredibly incredble. 

3 - Nylon Coffee Roasters has some of the best coffee I've tasted in my entire life. Working where I work has really exposed me to this new industry which has been catching on so quickly, as well as the workings of a business. I will forever be grateful spending to have spent 5 months here. 

5 - I'm not necessarily referring to books, because I have recently read a lot of marvellously written blog posts. Not in the language they use, but what they reveal. 

I honestly cannot wait to take a step back and indulge in nothingness for about two weeks. Because that's all the break I am going to get. 

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I read a book over the weekend. 

It was the kind of book I stayed up till 2am to finish, where I tried to read as fast as I could to get to the next page, to figure out what was going to happen, to hope they didn't die. 

I spent the next few days thinking about it. 

It wasn't a revolutionary, best selling, award winning sorta books. Those are good too, o'cuz, but I read a great book over the weekend, 

the kind that lingers in your mind, 

and I am very pleased about that. 

:) 

(PS, if you read The Winter Rose while playing Passenger's Let Her Go, you will bawl. Don't say I didn't warn you!)