306

processing, processing. 

If there are 2 words to describe the year so far, it'd be "in transit". 

I am trying my best to find some structure and balance in my life, which isn't easy because - one, I'm not a person of structure or schedule, I like spontaneity, and two, I'm taking on very many things at once. A plethora of choices are being placed in front of me, most lead me to the unknown, which is always very intimidating. I'm fine with changes, in fact, I quite like changes - that doesn't mean I like the unknown, nor does it mean I won't take time to adapt to these changes. 

In this light: patience.

I feel that in this season of my life, my patience is being tested and being trained - for what reason, I honestly have no idea. But it's also allowed me to see God's faithfulness, by writing down my numerous (and I mean numerous) prayer requests and seeing when they've been answered - it's honestly quite amazing.

C.S Lewis said it quite well - there are things you (1) should do, (2) must do, (3) want to do. And indeed, striking a balance between all 3 has not been the easiest of tasks this year. I say I'm believing for the better, and of course I am - but faith does waver. Not necessarily faith in God, but faith in Him answering. 

But God is not a Christian, and the only thing that will get me through this is to remember how loved I am by the creator of the Universe - how delicately and intrinsically He loves me, how He is interested in my life, every little bit - and while man pulls strings, He pulls cables. 

305

blessed going in, blessed going out. 

Started today with a Rock Kidz orientation session - they mentioned the word "blessing" so many times if I got a dollar every time they mentioned it, ... you know the rest of the story. The children were extremely cute, and extremely many - a little overwhelming but I'd get used to it. 

Then learnt that the student who goes for violin lesson immediately before me goes to new creation as well ~ that was interesting. I had a feeling she did when she asked me which church I went to, but it was nice to find the thousandth person I know who goes there. (yes, that's an exaggeration, but when you're home to 26 000, it's a whole new story). 

And then I went for 4th service, where we get the recorded message - but my pastor appeared live at the end to give the benediction and he did extra time of ministering! Which was really cool because I haven't seen him live in ages. 

I had a 2 week vacation in Japan, a university offer, an amazing family, the best friends, I'll be travelling even more, and just really living life. 

--

Also, realised this few days ago - I am a child of God. I am His beloved - and that is the most powerful statement ever said. I mean, in that statement, I've been given the authority that Jesus had. The only thing that can change the world is the gospel. You go a long way and realise only Jesus can save. And He's given Kingdom authority. He's given us, believers, the same power that raised Him from the grave. Yep. That's amazing.

Also, today's sermon was fantaaaaasstic. It was something I really had on my heart for a while. Lovin' my senior pastor (and the other pastors!) 

304

things are different now:-

I have a university offer from the University of Bath, which is my second choice. But a good second. 

Also, I think I'm going to start bringing a card or a gift when I go travelling, and my polaroid, because frankly, you never know who you're going to meet. I'd like to get a moleskine to journal all this down, but I've got a gazillion notebooks lying around, just no discipline to record anything down as I travel, by word or photograph. I'm too immersed in the experience of it all, I'd say - but it's not necessarily a bad thing. To detach myself for a moment or two may honestly be asking for too much.

I had a mighty fine time in Japan, and think I left a little bit of my heart there. Whether with the people I met or in the snow I so mightily fell on so many times, Hokkaido was different this time round. 

In my house I'd like to have a nice big study with many bookshelves, some for fiction, some for non fiction. A desk in the middle with a nice iMac and MacBook, and a space to write with some good ol' pen and paper. I'd like to have a wall or two free for my own photos and posters of vintage maps and a map documenting everywhere I've been, and a window that lets the all natural sunlight in. I like white, so I think most of my furniture will be white.

But the most amazing thing I realised this trip - as much as I sometimes want something else, real life is so much better. - to experience it, live it, and love it.