251

tough, but so so blessed.

Out of this entire year, this is the first time I could probably say I've had a bad week. - It's been a really tough week because of multiple reasons - but in summary, too much to handle. Anyhow, working through the frustration and lethargy and just making it sheer willpower (God given will power) has been really, for lack of better word (and my creative mind is at a blank right now). 

But this weekend has really been a reminder of how my God meets me at my point of need. The greater the need, the greater the supply, and just as David found favour in God's eyes despite being so messed up, I am greatly blessed and forever favoured. Just talking to friends over lunch today and I know I am so, so, so blessed. (and sometimes I just lose focus of my position in Christ, unfortunately.) Overwhelmed by His love, and if anything, watching my dramas just reminds me I'm loved with a love greater than any man could ever dream of or portray. 

A week more, restful increase, unceasing fruitfulness!!!!! 

- you look so good when you're dancing, can I have this dance with you, for the rest of my life. 

250

For some reason, I can listen to this song and keep crying.

also - this is really really tiring me out.

249

It is my prayer that you, especially you, will soon come to see that it is not about what you can do; it is about what He has already done. 

When He cried "It is finished", He meant - it is finished. No more striving, death has been conquered, He has overcome the world, and it is He who lives in us. 

Only one thing is needed. 

248

It feels there is still something wrong with my numbering.

in other news: I've gotta find a way of consolidating all my blogging platforms - this is too confusing,the new chris wu show (花是爱) looks really promising and i'm really excited (bad time, bad time), I need more sources of math revision, can't wait for prelims to be over but can't lose momentum, God is really really good. :)

247

I knew there was something wrong w my numbering.

Anyway - overworked (/ing). This. this this. This will be worth it.

I play angry birds to destress.

246

curious. 

spent the past couple of days listening to stories - some about themselves, some about others, some about their entire lives, some about the past couple of weeks. - again, inspired. 

again, discipline is underrated. the ability to suppress what you want to do, or to keep going after a few hours of photo editing has taken its toll on you, to put aside creativity and just mug the hell out of these few weeks, and subsequently these few months. - but I guess again, I usually need to be intellectually inspired to keep working at academics, which does happen, just not when I'm on a holiday that seems to last forever (truth be told, last year's break felt a lot longer than this year's, but perhaps that's because I spent two weeks abroad). 

really trying to get it all together now, while not forsaking, too much, what keeps me sane.

245

It's interesting how most ideas come to me late in the night, in the midst of immense frustration. Inspiration out of frustration.

--

today - halfhearted attempts at studying, which is still going on; feeling newly positive about the singapore arts scene; having a good cup of coffee but even better, - close, intimate conversation with a good friend of mine; meeting a very kind stranger; sending out email of unknown, but hopefully exciting consequence; shooting randomly on my new favourite prime lens without knowing what pictures were to come out of it; talking to a friend about a pretty grand decision she'll have to make; discussions about the peculiarities of the chinese language, weaved into a marathon of emoji spam. 

now, still today - wondering if i should watch the first episode of the new zhang han show, wondering if i should draw up a schedule, wondering if i'd be happier knowing i had the discipline to follow a schedule when spontaneity has always been a character of mine, wondering if i'll be able to cover everything before my mocks begin, wondering where my life will head, wondering where i'll be in one, five, ten years, knowing i'll always be a beloved child of my King. 

 

life is good.

244

I really feel people shouldn't correlate what I like to who I am. (i.e - just because I like serious or deeper matters doesn't mean I'm a serious (straight laced, etc) person.) - Get to know me, get to know people.  Don't assume what they're like based on what they like. Interests are usually an expression of a person, not a definition of a person. 

Today was a reminder that I am a human, full of weakness. - and that's not necessarily a bad thing. Of course, I don't like it - but it's not necessarily a bad thing. 

too many thoughts running around in my head. i s'ppose it happens. sometimes i just lose a little sense of purpose and perspective. 

sometimes i just get a little lost.

(apologies for the disjoint.) 

243

Today was a fantastic day. I'm so blessed, and I'm so amazed at how faithful God is. I finally got a chance to really get to know some of my new cg mates, and I'm really excited and lovin' how this is going to turn out. 

Also - Sidney Mohede is faaaantastticcc awwhmggy!! 

Goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. (: Right then. Now I've just got to buckle down and study and ace these prelims and IB and trust that Jesus has something more amazing and infinite in store for me beyond my wildest dreams. (: More than ever I am sure that people make a person, people determine the contentment of a person's life, people give you happiness and joy. 

- I would have never thought in a million years God would call me to ... asia. Honestly. I thought it was going to be Uganda or something. But at least for this season, it's East Asia. 

(as part of my bloggin' overhaul, I will probably be deleting deeperwreck soon.) 

242

Yesterday, I took my father's prime lens out to play. It is fantastic - well, at least a lot more than my kit lens. 

Anyway, the problem with me is I always take forever to transfer the photos to my computer, and an even longer time to edit them. Also, I'm not quite sure how to shoot with a prime lens. HAHA. - but with IB and everything on, I don't have much time to learn photoshop elements, lightroom and illustrator. 

I'm thinking of possibly doing an overhaul to this blog. In terms of theme, and I suppose content. But we'll see. 

if you're curious - matt nathanson, modern love; mat kearney, young love; erick baker, it's too late to say we're early; stephen fryrear, heartstrings ep. 

I told you I found lots of good music. 

241

I realised life isn't about how big you make it, how much you earn, how many projects you clinch. Life is about the people around you, and you're around. Life is about the interactions you make, how you spend your time with others. 

People is what makes life good, -and I suppose, not so good. 

Today, while at Coldstone, I really realised it doesn't matter what you do, so long as you're having a good time and loving the people around you. You could be an ice cream chef, as they were, shouting and laughing and joking around, or you could be Richard Branson. So long as you people you love around you that you love and enjoy. - and the ice cream chefs were having one ball of a time. 

Then it hit me - seeing other people genuinely happy, makes me genuinely happy too. (: I am so grateful for the people around me, I don't even know what to say (no TPL reference intended). This week has been a good week of catching up with everyone important to me, sans a few, but I suppose text messages keep us occupied in the time being. 

240

Spent the morning searching out really good music - it started with this song:

"My Two Left Feet - Erick Baker"-

 

Skip to 1:56 for the song. Try to bear with the background noise and everything, because I really feel his live version beats the recorded one by a million. But you can google for the recorded one too, I s'ppose.

It started with this song and it ended up with me spending more than 10 bucks on music in iTunes.

Good days, good days.

239

Excited yet apprehensive - this seems like the theme of the second half of 2012.

I think that's good - because I really think my life is heading in a new direction, something completely new, out of my comfort zone. This year has been a year of challenge, but good challenge (in retrospect). From faith, to life plan (ambition wise), to the friends I'm making. This year has been so exciting and God has been so faithful and I know everything I go through is only to bring me from glory to glory. 

If there's one thing I've learnt and He's taught me, it's that things take time. I have learnt to slow down, be patient, tolerant, and allow things to take time. From building relationships to investing in interests and passions and anything, to studying for the exams and making things work; things take time. I haven't always committed to this "things take time" principle, think: world lit and EE, but I have in others, and He's really given me the strength. On both sides of things - for myself to be ready, as well as the other party/parties (especially with building relationships). To know, and trust that things will pay off. 

These two years have been such years of change and growth and redevelopment, but this year especially - has been a year of challenge. Excited yet apprehensive. But I'm going in, nonetheless, knowing that He is faithful, and only has good things for me.  

pumpkin - soft skills, soft leadership, soft influence. 

238

I think - I (try to) live to love Jesus, love people, and tell stories. Always easier said than done, but if anything - my life, so far, has been one of growth. I've been growing, and from my own subjectively objective judgement, I've become a person of whom I'm more satisfied with. Sometimes I lose my way, but life is good, and I am so grateful. 

I think the difficulty is in finding intrinsic happiness, or joy, or whatever y'wanna call it. To be happy despite, and in spite of your circumstances. - but I think that's not fair. If your circumstances make you happy, be happy - and as much as I struggle with this, if your circumstances make you sad, be sad.

But to keep in mind the bigger picture despite what each moment tells you, I s'ppose, is a path one could take. To know faith > feelings, faith > sight. I think that's where my security comes from. That even when I can't describe life because it's pissin' me off too much or has made me incredibly happy, faith > feelings, faith > sight. And I don't think living faith > feelings is a case of living neutral, but living extraordinary. 

We should change our status quo.

(I don't know which random stroke of inspiration caused me to write this - but I am back, and still, the most blessed kid alive.)